Going to get a little graphic here, so if you’re squeamish, look away now.
Now, this is probably a pretty gross subject, I’m not going to lie. But I want to address this feeling.
When I’m on my period, it’s the worst possible reminder of my dysphoria. Something so uncontrollably, unavoidably feminine that stares you in the face, that SCREAMS at you how wrong you feel.
Your body is betraying you. You can’t do anything but be a passenger on the bloody ride.
It’s days like this where I ignore the tampon string, put on my male boxers and my most male clothes, and try to ride out the hypocrisy of my situation.
When you already feel disgusted at yourself on a normal day, how much worse can it get when you’re bleeding from an unwanted orifice?
It can get pretty damn bad, that’s for sure. And the worst part is? A lot of trans men are on some kind of birth control, something that works for them to STOP, or at least lessen, their periods. Nothing works for me.
Throughout my teenage years I was desperate to get rid of my monthly bleed. I tried EVERYTHING, all the pills and implants I could get. Nothing stopped my period entirely, and I wanted a non-invasive way of tackling the problem without letting anyone know exactly why I couldn’t mentally handle my period. I didn’t really know then why I hated it so much, why it made me feel the way I did. Obviously I know now of the underlying cause for that mental anguish.
So yeah, the worst part is I’ve tried a lot of the ways that most Trans men deal with the same situation, but it didn’t work. The only thing that will (maybe) work is getting an IUD (or Coil). It’s my last option.
Which is a really fun procedure for a Trans male. A physical THING in your uterus that is a CONSTANT reminder that you even own a uterus. But it’s there to try and help you feel better during your period. So it’s a conundrum.
You hate knowing your genitals are there, that they even exist. Reminding you who you are – and who you aren’t.
I told you I was going to get graphic. You didn’t believe me, huh. Sorry.
Crisis of Self: My Transgender Journey 
Although I can never share your experience, I do feel for you. This is an aspect of the Trans experience that I, like many, had failed to appreciate.
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Thanks! I know its like a “taboo” subject to some, but it’s something small to others that affects – I was going to say us, but I can only really speak for myself – it affects me really massively. No one really thinks of the huge mental impact that the smallest thing can have on myself or people like me can really have. So thank you for the sympathy 🙂
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